If you read nothing else today.........

.........read THIS. You won't regret it.

Seeds Family Worship CDs

I recently heard about a great little thing called Seeds Family Worship. I read about it on Angie Smith's blog. As soon as I checked it out I knew I wanted to order a CD for our family to enjoy. I picked The Power of Encouragement, their newest CD. Each CD contains scriptures set to music. The best part is that the songs are really fun, contemporary and catchy. I love listening to this in the van. Each CD comes with an extra tear-off CD to share with a friend. I gave my extra one to our MOPS group to use as a door prize at our meeting last week. You should head over and check out this ministry. It is really awesome!

I took my boys to a forest for a hike yesterday and we listened to this all the way there and back in the van. It was just what I needed. My mind had been focused on something that happened this weekend and I was not thinking very positively. The Scriptures featured on this CD were perfect for helping me gain a right perspective on things. I have so much to be thankful for.......and it never hurts to be reminded of that.

Kelly's Compassion trip

I have so much going on that I am hoping to post about soon. I have a bunch of projects either started or in the planning stages but can't seem to find the time to DO the projects. Hopefully that will change soon. Anyway, I wanted to write a quick post tonight to tell you that one of my favorite bloggers, Kelly of Kelly's Korner, is in El Salvador right now on a mission trip for Compassion International. She is blogging each day about her trip. My husband and I decided (well, I kind of just did it actually, but he's okay with it) to sponsor a child through Compassion during the Jeremy Camp concert we went to a few months ago. Most Christian musicians are very passionate about this organization and really try to promote it during their concerts. Our little boy is named Fernando and he lives in Honduras. We have written to him but haven't heard back from him yet as our sponsorship of him just started. If you are at all interested in learning more about this great organization be sure to follow Kelly's blog during the next week or so as she blogs about what she is experiencing. One of my lifelong dreams is to someday go on a mission trip and, even better, do it with my family. For now I'll live vicariously through Kelly. So head on over and see what it's all about!

the skin of knowing

I recently checked out the book The Shack by William Young from my public library. A good friend of mine whom I highly respect and who is an avid reader had raved about it so I was curious. I am not writing this post as a review of the book. To be honest, I didn't finish reading it. Not because I hated it...........I just got a little bored. Please don't let that deter you from reading it, however. It is a very intriguing and thought-provoking book from a spiritual standpoint. I may check it out again just to reread certain parts.


There is one phrase from the book that has just stuck in my mind and that's what I wanted to write about. I can't get the words out of my head. "Love is the skin of knowing." To give you the context of this, the main character has the occasion to meet up with God and these words are among many of those spoken by the God character (who is actually represented in the book by three "characters" to illustrate the Holy Trinity). God was trying to get the main character to realize that as our relationships with one another grow and deepen we inevitably come to know much more about each other. And despite some of the pain and anguish that "knowing" brings our love grows to contain it. I'm probably doing an awful job of explaining this. I think what really hits home with me about this idea is that there are so many times in my life when I've lamented the fact that I am at my worst in the relationships that mean the most to me. I actually had several conversations about that this week with some other women. We talked about how sometimes, especially in a marital relationship, the two partners tend to bring out the worst in each other. Marriage is difficult. I remember hearing that when I was newly married. At the time I thought it was just difficult for other people. I couldn't imagine it ever being difficult for ME. Sixteen years and two children later I am the first to admit..............it's difficult. Living in close proximity with someone else brings with it many disappointments and unmet expectations on both sides. The more you know about someone the more you find out things about them that are possibly surprising, embarrassing, upsetting, or disappointing. Of course marriage brings joys and blessings too. As I think about my relationships and especially my marriage I realize that my love has expanded to encompass the knowing. When I am frustrated and discouraged about my marriage I am going to try to remember that love is the skin of knowing. I am blessed to be loved by a God who already knows everything about me........who anticipates and expects my failures and loves me in spite of them. It is because of this divine love that my love for others can continue to grow............despite the sometimes painful knowing.

Please pray for Kate McRae

I don't usually do this, but I have become captivated by the story of this little girl through another blog that lifted her up. I have been reading her parents' Caring Bridge story since it started and can't imagine what they are going through right now. Their whole world has been turned upside down. However, their faith remains strong in spite of all they are going through. I cannot imagine how desperate they would feel without their faith to sustain them. They update their site regularly and are so grateful for everyone all over the world who is praying for them and their daughter. I have been so touched by their faith and their story that I would ask you to consider praying for Kate's complete healing and for strength and peace for her and her entire family.

In case you don't have time to click over and read her story, I'll briefly summarize: Kate's parents took her to the doctor at the end of June because she was having tremors in her right hand (Kate is 6 years old). It turned out that she has a brain tumor at the base of her brain. She had surgery to remove it (although they could only remove part of it) and is now facing weeks and months of treatments for her cancer which appears to be very aggressive and fast-growing, but fortunately very responsive to treatment. Additionally, Kate and her family are trying to adjust to the side effects of her tumor and surgery which has been very difficult and frustrating.

I hope I'm not overstepping by posting about this. It is odd since I don't know this family at all and I know there are so many families in this situation. It just really makes you thankful for your own children's good health as well as your own. Anyway, I just wanted to pass along this story. I am pretty sure her family would appreciate all the good thoughts and prayers they can get right now.

I let the dog back in

OK..............there's a backstory here. When my sons and I arrived home tonight around 7:45 p.m. following my oldest son's soccer game, we were greeted by the stench and sight of dog poop all over our basement carpet. I haven't written about it here, but our dog has lung cancer. He was diagnosed about 7 weeks ago. He also has spinal arthritis and recently it is becoming increasingly difficult for him to stand up by himself. He is a nearly 80 pound dog. I usually come home on my lunch break to let him out because the medicine he is on causes him to eat and drink a lot and, therefore, pee and poop a lot. And I did come home to let him out today. However, he had to wait a longer time than usual to be let out again because my son had soccer pictures and had to be at practice early, my husband is out of town, and I had to get my son at his school (which my DH usually does) which is about 1 1/2 hour round trip for me. Anywho.........that's what greeted me when I arrived home with the 2 boys. Trying to stay calm, I had the boys go straight upstairs and asked them to stay there while I dealt with the "situation" downstairs. My first goal was to get the dog outside. He was getting poop all over his rear end trying to stand up and then smearing it further into the carpet. So..........I dragged/carried him out and started to deal with THE MESS. In the meantime I called my mom and explained what was going on. It was soon evident that my carpet spray and rags were not going to sufficiently clean our carpet. So my mom (bless her heart!) stopped at our local grocery store, rented a Rug Doctor and brought it out to our house. She hung around and helped get the boys in bed and also stayed most of the time that I cleaned the carpets. Before she arrived with the Rug Doctor I had pretty much decided that the dog was going to stay in the garage all night. I am not physically able to bathe him by myself nor do I have any place downstairs to bathe an 80 pound dog. And I didn't want him tracking more poop in the house, getting on the wet, newly cleaned carpet, etc. My mom totally agreed with this plan. (She has never had indoor pets.) In the meantime, my husband called me from New Orleans (he flew there this AM for a conference) and I relayed to him what had happened and what I planned to do. He was not pleased about my plan to keep the dog in the garage. He was worried about how upsetting that would be to the dog, etc. And I admit that I WAS feeling guilty about leaving the dog in the garage too. I told him I would probably let the dog back in after I got the carpets cleaned.

After I cleaned the whole basement with the Rug Doctor, I tried to reach my husband in his hotel room to report my progress. I was pretty proud of myself for cleaning the whole basement, not just the yucky places. However, I couldn't reach him. I left him two messages within about 15 minutes.......something along the lines of, "Hey, party boy........it must be nice to be out on the town in New Orleans while I'm up here getting $%&* out of the carpet......" (that looks worse in writing than how I said it; I was kind of jokey about it). It wasn't long before he called me back. When I answered he said, "Hey, pooper scooper!" And luckily I have a good enough sense of humor to think that was funny! Anyway, the upshot of our last conversation is that I decided to let the dog back in the house. My husband convinced me to go outside with a wet soapy rag and try to clean any remaining excrement from the dog before letting him back in. I DID ask him how he proposed I clean poop off a black dog at 10:00 at night outside, but he seemed confident that I could do it. So, people, I did go outside to scrub the dried poop off my sick dog before letting him back in the house.

Before I let the dog back in I was washing our dishes (Flylady would be so happy!) and thinking about what, if any, spiritual lesson could be gleaned from my poopy evening. And suddenly the lesson seemed very obvious to me. As you recall, my initial reaction to finding the poop was to get the dog out of the house and not let him back in. Essentially, I was throwing the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. I was immediately humbled as I realized that the God I believe in would never do that to any of His children. Regardless of the "dirt" we create, God is ready to forgive us and welcome us back with open arms. He loves us unconditionally despite the ugly stains we leave as a result of our sinful actions. Like my oldest son said when I put him to bed tonight, "We shouldn't just remember that Jesus died for us on Easter; we should remember it EVERY day of the year." Couldn't have said it better myself. And I let the dog back in.

Here's a photo of the Rug Doctor I rented. (Every post needs a photo, dontcha think?) Just be glad I didn't take a photo of the pile that caused me to rent the Rug Doctor! And to be honest, I kind of thought about it. If you write a blog, you totally understand why I would think about it..........I knew it would make a good blog post. But.......since this is a nice clean family kinda blog..........no poo-poo pictures. Just the good ol' Rent-A-Kent.

"This drink is like faith."

That is a direct quote from my 7 1/2 year old son. He said this during our fellowship time after church this morning. He had finished wolfing down two cookies and was sipping Kool-Aid Invisible from a styrofoam cup when he looked up at me and said, "Hey, Mommy. This drink is like faith." I was a little taken aback and asked him to explain. He said (I'm paraphrasing now because I can't remember word for word), "You know how God is invisible and we can't see him but we can feel him by the love he puts in our hearts? Well, we don't know there's a flavor in this Kool-Aid because we can't see it, but when we TASTE it, we know the flavor is there." Hey, buddy, I couldn't have said it better myself. What a little philosopher!! (By the way, I'm in no way pushing this product, but it IS really good. I never buy Kool-Aid for my boys, but they had this at our Vacation Bible School last summer. It is really fun, even as an adult, to drink something that looks like water and to be pleasantly surprised by a yummy flavor. Oh yeah, and it doesn't stain clothes!!)

Fixing the part that ain't broken

In my previous post, written just a few minutes ago, I wrote about attending the Ash Wednesday service at my church tonight. I wanted to write one more post about some additional thoughts I had during the service. Near the end of the service the pastor invited everyone forward for the imposition of ashes. Using the ashes of the palm branches from last year's Palm Sunday festivities, he drew a cross on each person's forehead. As I sat waiting for our turn to go forward, I was silently watching the people in line. And it struck me, truly for the first time, that although the human bodies of each person varied greatly (some lumpy, some wrinkly, some old, some young) the truest part of each person, their inner spirit, was completely beautiful in God's eyes. It was kind of astounding. I mean, I've known that on some level for a long time. It's a concept that most Christians have encountered at some point in their faith journey. However, tonight my eyes were really opened to that idea.

Later when I was giving my littlest boy a bath back at home, I started thinking about it again. And I thought about all the time, money, and worry we spend trying to fix up or fancy up our temporary selves. We are mortal, people!! Washboard abs or love handles, B cups or fake D cups, wrinkles or Botox, fake tan or purely pale, designer label or Walmart discount rack.........we can't take it with us. Why are we wasting our time trying to fix the part that isn't broken? Our truly broken parts are, of course, our spiritual selves. And when we spend so much time and energy worrying about fixing up our outer shells, we are throwing away the time that we could be spending getting closer to God and to other people.

When you think about it, what we're doing really makes no sense in the long run. Here's a good analogy I came up with in case I ever explain this to young children. Imagine your car is not running right. Maybe it won't even start at all. First, you go out and spend a bunch of money replacing all the tires on the car because they weren't brand new tires, so you think maybe having new ones would help. When that doesn't work, you decide to have the entire body repainted at a tremendous financial cost. After all, the paint job isn't new. In fact, there are a few scratches in the paint as well as a dent here or there. Amazingly, these changes, while improving the appearance of the car, do not fix the problem. So........you decide to delve deeper. This time you splurge for a complete overhaul of the upholstery inside your car. There are a few stains here and there, a small rip in the carpet...........total replacement should do the trick, right? While you're at it, you decide that the old upholstery color was all wrong and go with a new more updated shade.........you know, the shade that EVERY car is wearing these days. But alas, the car sits in its beautiful, non-functional glory...........mocking your naivete by refusing to budge. Finally, you bite the bullet and decide to consult a mechanic. It turns out a new battery is needed to get the car up and running again. You swallow your pride, pay the bill, and go on your merry way. Outwardly, your car looks just as beautiful as it did before the battery was fixed. In fact, no one would even know you had the battery replaced at all except for one critical detail: THE CAR RUNS NOW. So............that invisible inner change made all the difference in the world.

Now think about our bodies as the car in this example. Don't we totally spend our time changing the tires, getting new paint jobs and replacing the old upholstery but virtually NO time charging our batteries? It makes me sad that our culture is so focused on the glitz and the glam at the expense of valuing what truly matters. I read one time that while our culture is materially rich, we are spiritually poor. This was written in an article describing mission work in an impoverished country. What the American mission group found when spending time with people living in extreme poverty was quite opposite from what you might imagine. Instead of feeling that their lives were lacking, the people were actually quite happy. They had close, loving relationships within their families and with their neighbors. They did not have the distraction of material things. Therefore, they were able to focus on each other. Their culture, polar opposite to US culture, was materially poor, but spiritually rich. Something to think about.................

Got a beetle up YOUR sleeve?

Tonight I took my oldest son to the Ash Wednesday service at our church. It has been nearly a decade since I attended an Ash Wednesday service. The last one I went to was before I had children. Since I am consciously doing something to observe Lent this year, I felt it was important to go tonight. And my oldest son was interested in learning more about Lent too so he went along.

During the service my son was cuddling against me and noticed a little asian beetle crawling on the seat in front of us. I helped him scoop it up so he could hold it in his hand and watch it crawl around. He watched it quietly for a while, then decided to let it crawl on my hand. Which it did. THEN........it started crawling up my arm and under the sleeve of my denim jacket. It continued to make its way up my arm, crawling on my bare skin, and TICKLING me during the service. My son, of course, was greatly intrigued by this. To his credit, he was very quiet, but whispered to me frequently about "where the bug is" and kept looking at my neckline and up my sleeve to see if it had reappeared. The worst part was that it was the most tickly during the time that our pastor's wife was singing a particularly beautiful and poignant song called "Feel the Nails". I was trying SO hard not to make strange faces and, honestly, just to keep a straight face in general as she sang. I glanced over at my mom (who was sitting on the other side of my son) and she was shaking with silent laughter because she knew exactly what was going on. It took me a moment to compose myself as six little legs explored the uncharted territory of my delicate inner arm. However, I really wanted to be in the moment, listening to the music. The song did, in fact, bring tears to my eyes once I was able to focus. I am writing about the experience here tonight because my little distracting experience seemed destined to teach me something about faith. What I kept thinking was that the little beetle on my arm was representative of all the "little" things that distract us from our focus on God on a daily basis. I have many "beetles" (figurative, not literal) that cause me to be so distracted that I lose focus on the ONE who is most important. My little insect friend was a good reminder to me to be more focused on God, something that I am striving to make a habit of over the next 40 days. Do you have beetles up YOUR sleeve?

Yeah, he's da' best!!

Here's another little DH story for you. I kind of like writing about him here, can you tell? OK........this weekend I stopped at the local video store and rented two movies: one for me to watch (I posted about this a few posts back) and one to watch with the DH. I didn't mention the "joint" movie idea to him right away. However, when I mentioned it to him, he told me he was really tired and wasn't sure he would be up to staying up after the boys were in bed to watch it. (At this point I hadn't told him what the movie was, so that had nothing to do with him wanting or not wanting to watch it.) While I appreciated him being honest, I was a little disappointed about it and since my face (like my mouth!!) is an open book, he knew I was disappointed. I tried to reassure him it was really okay, we could rent it another time, etc. And I really meant that. He has had a LOT going on at work lately and he is a terrible sleeper, so I really wanted him to at least TRY to get a good night's sleep.


Fast forward to Sunday evening. We had gotten both boys to bed pretty early and I was on the computer (no surprise there!). DH came out and asked me if I still wanted to watch the movie. How sweet is that? He was SO tired too. Our cats and our older son had disrupted his sleep the night before DURING the night and he'd been up since 4:45 a.m. with my oldest son. So it was really very sweet and generous of him to offer to watch it with me. The movie I had rented for us was Fireproof. I had seen it on a blog a few weeks ago, then our pastor mentioned it in church right after that. I really felt led to watch this movie with my husband. So we did. The acting was a little cheesy at times. The actors were good actors; I think they had some unnatural lines to deliver. However, the overall message about keeping your marriage "fireproof" was a good one. I am really glad we watched it. And I didn't even work on a quilt block while we were watching because I had to hold DH's hand during most of the movie. I know, I know.............aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww!! He is really a great guy, and I truly do appreciate him. (AND..........you'll be happy to know I resubscribed him to my blogs, so maybe he will read this post.) :0)

Some ideas for Lent

I wanted to write about some ideas I've been tossing around in my head about how to approach Lent this year. To be honest, although I was born and raised Christian, I have never really done anything special during Lent. I've tried, halfheartedly, to give something up a few times. In the past year or so I read somewhere of doing the opposite of giving something up and I liked that idea. Basically, the idea is that instead of NOT doing something, you try to DO something you don't normally do. So I've been ruminating on that for a while and last night I came up with what I want to do. I'm really excited about it!

Here's the background before I tell you my idea. I am TERRIBLE about staying in touch with people when I change jobs or move to a new place. I mean, truly TERRIBLE. I am also TERRIBLE about writing thank-you cards. It's embarrassing to admit, but I just really don't do it very often. I always THINK about doing it, but I don't. So............I was thinking about all the women who have been important to me at different times in my life and I decided to take time EACH DAY during Lent to write a card to one of those women, telling them what impact they've had on me. I just got done jotting down a list of names and am up to 36 so far. I am planning to make some special handmade cards that I will use and there will be a handmade bookmark in each card along with an individualized hand-written message from me. That way, the recipient will have something to keep to remind them of the impact they've had on me. I already have my card idea picked out and am hoping to make up a sample tonight. I'll post it soon.

My other ideas for myself for Lent are trying to spend at least 10 minutes a day in silent prayer/meditation and restricting myself from using the computer until after 9:00 p.m. at night. That will be hard. Although I do the majority of my blog writing and reading after the boys are in bed, I DO sneak over to the computer quite a bit to check email and see if anyone is leaving me comments on the blog. So..........I am going to try to scale back on that.

If you have any ideas for Lent either for yourself or your children, I'd love to hear about them. Many of you left me such thoughtful comments to my "Gentlewoman" post. I so appreciated reading and learning from them. My sincere thanks to you for taking the time to write.

Oh........I DO have an idea of something I want to do with the boys during Lent, but I will write more about that later. Right now my little boy has gotten up from his nap and wants to go play outside.

Some thoughts on parenting

I wanted to share with you all a few things I've stumbled upon just this afternoon. I am home with my youngest son; he is fighting off a bad cold. I have a substitute at school for the afternoon so I could be home with him and make sure he got a nice long nap in his own bed. Fortunately for him, that is what's happening right now. I think he's getting better. He had a good morning at Grandma & Grandpa's house. Anyway...........I stumbled across a few links while reading my Google reader posts.

Here is one on grace parenting. This really speaks to the type of parent I hope to be. I'm not there yet. I am trying to think of myself as a "work-in-progress" and to be okay with that.

And here is one about lavishing love on our children. I really love this one too. As soon as I finish typing this sentence I am grabbing a blue MARKS-A-LOT marker that is just inches from my computer mouse and I'm going to scrawl LAVISH across my palm. You'll see why if you read the link.

Parenting is such a journey, isn't it? And so fraught with potential pitfalls. It seems so stressful and overwhelming to think about the down-the-road outcomes of today's parenting mistakes, doesn't it? I am committed to picking myself back up each time I fall and pointing myself once again toward my North Star, God's perfect example.

Windfall at the bookstore

Today I went to Parables bookstore to find some books to help my oldest son with some questions he's been having about God and faith. I wanted to share with you the ones I purchased because I think they are really awesome. I am taking the time to provide Amazon links for each book. However, I want to let you know that I TRIED to post Parables links to the items to support purchasing from your local Christian bookstore. However, for some reason, the search button on the Parables website was not able to locate any of the titles. Weird, huh? I know all these titles are available there because I just bought them there. Anyway, the images below are courtesy of Amazon and I've linked to Amazon.

If I Could Ask God Anything by Kathryn Slattery is the main book I bought to help my 7 1/2 year old. This is such an awesome book. I really think it's a must have for all Christian parents of elementary aged children as well as any Sunday School teachers of that age group. It seriously has hundreds of questions that children might ask and has very concise but appropriate answers, all linked to Scripture. I love this book. My son immediately read the page titled, "If God is invisible, how can I know He is real?" And afterwards, he truly seemed to be comforted and to have a better understanding of this complex issue.

A Picture of God 3 in 1 by Joanne Marxhausen was one I bought because it really clearly and concretely explains the Trinity. The saleslady who was helping me said this book has been around for years (copyright 1973), but I had never seen it. My son also read this one right away in the van on the way home from school. He liked it a lot. (PS: If you want to borrow this for Sunday School, Monica, let me know!!)

The Story of the Resurrection Eggs: Benjamin's Box by Melody Carlson is something I picked up for Easter along with the set of Resurrection Eggs pictured below. I think the combination of the book and the eggs will be a nice Easter tradition to start this year.

For Easter gifts for the boys I also picked up a copy of Gotta Have God: Devotions for Boys for each of them. I got the 6-9 year old version for my 7 year old and the 2-5 year old version for my 3 year old. One thing I really liked about these devotion books was that you can start them at any time of year. Most of the other devotion books I looked at were set up on a January-December schedule. Knowing our family life and realizing honestly that we probably won't do a page a day, I liked the flexibility of this series. I also like that there are little activity pages with each devotion/story. In the younger version, there are pictures and your little one circles or colors pictures to indicate their thoughts and answers. In the older version, there is more writing required.

Some women have a thing for purses or shoes; my thing is books. I guess a good way to look at it is they never go out of style or end up not fitting! :0)

If not for HIS (and his) mercy

I think I've said here before that this blog is kind of cathartic for me. Cheaper than therapy at any rate. I am the type of person who easily and readily shares personal information with others. It's just the way I am. My husband is the complete polar opposite. I don't think either way is "right"; we're just different. Anyway, I wanted to write a little bit about something that happened last night. In a nutshell, the DH (dear husband)and I had a fight, and it was pretty much my fault.

Here is the scenario: it was about 9:15 p.m. and I had gone downstairs to walk on the treadmill to put in my daily 2 miles. (Sidenote: I was NOT very motivated or excited about starting a workout that late and I was hungry because I hadn't eaten much in anticipation of the workout.) The DH was also downstairs doing some ironing of his work clothes for the week. I won't give you the details of our argument, but in hindsight I can see the insanity of someone starting a fight with a man who is IRONING HIS OWN CLOTHES!!! I mean, c'mon people, I probably should have been kissing his feet or something. I'm just so used to him doing his own ironing that I wasn't fully appreciating that fact in the moment if you know what I mean. Anyway, I hopped up on the treadmill and started my workout and in the process proceeded to get steamed about something he said and there you go. I am not at all proud of it, and I've apologized to him three times already. I first apologized in person after my workout. Then I apologized through email today, and again in person tonight while our boys were having their swimming lesson. I am writing this post to tell you about the last apology, because his response to it was quite meaningful to me.

Picture the two of us sitting on the concrete pool deck leaning back against the wall. Our youngest son is on my lap. Our oldest son is having his lesson in the pool. And I say to the DH, "Hey, I'm sorry for all the PB stuff last night." (The funny sidestory to the "PB" thing is that one of our cats is nicknamed PB, short for Prince Bob, a story unto itself. My first verbal apology last night after I came upstairs was, "Sorry for all the PB stuff downstairs." He didn't understand what I meant, and I knew he wouldn't. Still.........I gave him a better apology and then today in the email apology I said something like, "Sorry for turning into PB (AKA PsychoB _ _ _ _) last night." I think you can fill in the blanks.) So anyway, his response to that was, "I don't even know why you bring stuff like that up again. Once it's over, it's over." And he truly means it. He just forgives that easily. And that's where the title of this post comes from. If not for God's mercy in giving me such a wonderful husband that I often feel I don't deserve AND the DH's mercy in forgiving me so quickly, this girl would be in a heap of trouble. So tonight, I am thankful for the blessing of a great mate and the mercy of a loving God.

PS: In case you are wondering, I'm going to forward a link to this post to the DH so he knows how I feel. He doesn't currently have a subscription to either of my blogs because I DELETED his email subscriptions a few weeks ago in another PB moment. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.......I feel so much better already. True blog catharsis.

Questions about faith

My oldest son has been struggling a lot these past few days with issues of faith. We have no idea why, but it's been stressful for us. We don't know if we are helping or making it worse. He is hung up on how he can know whether or not God is real, what happens when you die, etc. He has been losing sleep over it, literally. Tomorrow I am heading to the Christian bookstore to look for some books that are written for children that may help us with his worries and questions. If any of you know any good titles, please leave me a comment. I am heading there tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon. Thanks so much!

A Blessed Moment

I had a special moment within the last hour that I would like to share with you now (even though I have MANY other things I should be doing!). I wanted to write it down before I forget it because it was very special.

After the morning preschool session, my youngest son and I went out for lunch at McDonald's. This is a special treat since we don't do this very often. As we were eating I noticed a song that was playing in the restaurant. Usually I kind of tune out background music, but this one caught my attention. I am not sure the title or artist, but it was sung by a female and the lyrics went something like, "In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero......." Anyway, it was kind of making me feel emotional, not in a good way, because it made me think about how I am still kind of a hero to my youngest son who is three, but I am pretty sure my hero status has already plummeted in the eyes of my older son since he has a.) lived with me longer and b.) seen a lot more of my not-so-heroic moments than his little brother has. I have often thought about how bittersweetly sad it is that the longer we know someone, the more they disappoint us and the more we, in turn, disappoint them. I guess it is part of our bumbling human existence that we tend to have high expectations of others and that we are inevitably disappointed when these expectations aren't met. Even sadder is the realization that we have very likely been a source of disappointment to those who know and love us best.

Before you start typing me a nice, comforting comment reassuring me and stroking my self-esteem (and don't think for a second that I don't appreciate all the thoughtful comments people leave), I want to be clear with you that I am not wallowing in self-pity here, nor am I beating myself up, even if it sounds like that. I am just trying to be very, very honest in this blog about the things I think and feel, even though that sometimes makes me seem needy and vulnerable. So..........I want you to know that I am fine; I don't think I'm a horrible person. I just tend to reflect on myself and to be uncompromisingly honest about what I see. I think it is our responsibility as humans, and even more so, as Christians, to reflect on how we are presenting ourselves to the world and how we are going about our interactions with our fellow human beings. We are supposed to live our lives the way Christ did as much as is humanly possible. I don't take that charge lightly, and I have no problem admitting when I don't measure up. I think it's healthy.........it pushes me to try harder. Anyway, I'm digressing.............I just wanted to explain all that before I tell you the really cool thing that happened while I was thinking all of the above. So.............

...........there I sat in my self-reflective fog, listening to the song. Across the table from me, with sunlight on his sweet face, my youngest son tilted his head to the side and said, "Hey, Mommy. This is happy music." Mind you, I hadn't been talking out loud AT ALL about the music. I smiled at him and said, "Yes, honey. It is happy music." He smiled back and said, "This music makes me happy. Happy is when you are happy about your mom and your dad and your brother." It was really so sweet and innocent and precious and so many other adjectives that I could keep going. And it was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Thank you, God, for giving me that moment with my son. YOU are MY hero, and it looks like I may just hold onto my Mommy hero status for a while longer.

He makes my heart beep

I just sat down here after putting my little one to bed. I wanted to share with you the most adorable prayer that he just prayed. Our bedtime routine includes reading 1-3 stories, then turning off the light and saying a prayer. I want my children to think of prayer as a truly personal conversation with God. So instead of praying a "canned" prayer, I model a heartfelt, off-the-cuff prayer at bedtime. My little boy always wants me to pray first. And more often than not, he declines praying on his own after my prayer, which is fine with me. I don't want to put any pressure on him about it. However, I admit I was very happy tonight when he decided to say his own prayer. I'll share it with you here:

"Dear God, Tank (thank) you for our games. Tank you for the pwesents we got from Santa at Bwock's (Brock's) house. I yike (like) Bwock's house. I yike Bwock and Ammer (Amber.......Brock's mom) and even Bwock's daddy. Tank you for my brain and my howt (heart) beeping (beating). I yike my howt beeping (heart beating). We love you too, God. Amen"

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Word of the Year

I first learned about Word of the Year (WOTY) a year or so ago from Stacy Julian's blog. I liked the idea, but it was part way through 2008 when I read about it and I kind of forgot about it. Then I read about it again on Handmade Homeschool early this year. As soon as I read that post, I had "my" word in mind. It came to me instantly. However, I was a little hesitant to post about it. To be honest, I thought my word was kind of cliche, a little unoriginal, and perhaps even too mundane. So even though I knew I wanted it to be my WOTY, I didn't write about it here. Then I got back to school and work and forgot about it for a few weeks........until today. I was sitting in church this morning listening to the sermon and realized that it was totally about MY WORD. I took this as a sign and decided to go ahead and write this post announcing my WOTY. Before I reveal it, however, I want to share the Scripture passage from church today. I really liked it. Here it is from Romans 13:8-10:

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," " Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."

In case you haven't guessed by now, my WOTY is.............LOVE. I am completely sure that this is a great word for me for 2009. In addition to today's sermon, earlier this week I was watching Oprah and she had a guest named Elizabeth Lesser who has written about how difficult times can make you stronger spiritually. The comment that most struck me from this show was when Elizabeth asked people to think about how we approach others. Do we do so with judgment and criticism or do we stand before them with love and acceptance? I know how easy it is to fall into the first type of mind-set, but I appreciated the reminder to follow the latter. I think one of the things I have found most ironic in life is how easy it is to be your "best self' around people you don't know well, and how hard it is to always be your "best self" around those you love the most.
Part of that is probably human nature and results from our comfort level around those we know and love the most. And I realize that God wants us to treat EVERYONE, not just our friends and family, with the utmost of compassion and love. Still..........I sometimes find it hardest to be my best loving self at home. I find myself being impatient and grouchy far more than I want to be. So............I am happy to have settled on my word, LOVE. I think having that as my focus this year will cause me to be more vigilant and reflective about my thoughts and actions. And hopefully, I can honestly say at the year's end, that I have been more LOVING this year. I will have more to write about this in future posts. I am even thinking about making some kind of artwork which will represent my word. If and when that happens, you can expect to see and read about it here. Until then...........take care and have a great week!

Mercy

I am turning to Webster's again for a definition. Mercy is defined as: compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender (i.e. as God shows mercy to a sinner). That definition best fit what I wanted to write about today. However, it led me to look up the definition of forbearance. That is defined as: 1. a refraining from the enforcement of something that is due 2. the act of forbearing: PATIENCE 3. the quality of being forbearing: LENIENCY.

Now I am going to explain why I'm writing this post. Last night our family was dealing with some unpleasant child behaviors (as I'm sure many families may have been, if not last night, sometime within the past week). I will not go into details or tell which child was the offender in this case. However, I will fully admit that I was not feeling MERCIFUL or FORBEARING last night when dealing with the behaviors, nor was I feeling either of those things even this morning as I woke up and thought about it all again. Actually, I was still hanging onto my anger. I know I should have let it go by the morning, but I am sinful and human, and I hadn't. At some point within the first hour or so after I had awoken in a bad mood, it hit me hard that my feelings of disappointment and anger may, in fact, be very similar to what God feels when we, his human children, fail to live up to his teachings and expectations. I would fall into that category pretty much on any given day at any hour on the clock (well, maybe not when I'm asleep!). And I was humbled, again, by HIS MERCY and love. And I was reminded that God provides the ultimate parenting example for all of us struggling to raise our children to be kind, respectful, compassionate people. We must first remember that we ourselves on a DAILY BASIS are the recipients of His love and mercy even though we probably don't deserve it. And we must remember, in turn, to show that compassion, love and mercy to those around us, even when we feel that they don't deserve it. Today I am thanking God for His mercy, and asking for His help in becoming a more merciful and compassionate parent, especially in the thick of it.

Nuff said.

Wait, no, not enough. I want to say one more thing (DH claims I always have to say one more thing and I guess that's true. However, he may appreciate THIS last thing.) I've written before about what a great guy my husband is. And I want you all to know that HE is naturally much more merciful and forbearing than I am. Sometimes this causes "clashes" between us as we try to process how to best handle our children's behavior. However, I am very grateful for these special qualities in him. And I know our boys will benefit greatly from being raised by such a loving and compassionate father.