I had a special moment within the last hour that I would like to share with you now (even though I have MANY other things I should be doing!). I wanted to write it down before I forget it because it was very special.
After the morning preschool session, my youngest son and I went out for lunch at McDonald's. This is a special treat since we don't do this very often. As we were eating I noticed a song that was playing in the restaurant. Usually I kind of tune out background music, but this one caught my attention. I am not sure the title or artist, but it was sung by a female and the lyrics went something like, "In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero......." Anyway, it was kind of making me feel emotional, not in a good way, because it made me think about how I am still kind of a hero to my youngest son who is three, but I am pretty sure my hero status has already plummeted in the eyes of my older son since he has a.) lived with me longer and b.) seen a lot more of my not-so-heroic moments than his little brother has. I have often thought about how bittersweetly sad it is that the longer we know someone, the more they disappoint us and the more we, in turn, disappoint them. I guess it is part of our bumbling human existence that we tend to have high expectations of others and that we are inevitably disappointed when these expectations aren't met. Even sadder is the realization that we have very likely been a source of disappointment to those who know and love us best.
Before you start typing me a nice, comforting comment reassuring me and stroking my self-esteem (and don't think for a second that I don't appreciate all the thoughtful comments people leave), I want to be clear with you that I am not wallowing in self-pity here, nor am I beating myself up, even if it sounds like that. I am just trying to be very, very honest in this blog about the things I think and feel, even though that sometimes makes me seem needy and vulnerable. So..........I want you to know that I am fine; I don't think I'm a horrible person. I just tend to reflect on myself and to be uncompromisingly honest about what I see. I think it is our responsibility as humans, and even more so, as Christians, to reflect on how we are presenting ourselves to the world and how we are going about our interactions with our fellow human beings. We are supposed to live our lives the way Christ did as much as is humanly possible. I don't take that charge lightly, and I have no problem admitting when I don't measure up. I think it's healthy.........it pushes me to try harder. Anyway, I'm digressing.............I just wanted to explain all that before I tell you the really cool thing that happened while I was thinking all of the above. So.............
...........there I sat in my self-reflective fog, listening to the song. Across the table from me, with sunlight on his sweet face, my youngest son tilted his head to the side and said, "Hey, Mommy. This is happy music." Mind you, I hadn't been talking out loud AT ALL about the music. I smiled at him and said, "Yes, honey. It is happy music." He smiled back and said, "This music makes me happy. Happy is when you are happy about your mom and your dad and your brother." It was really so sweet and innocent and precious and so many other adjectives that I could keep going. And it was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Thank you, God, for giving me that moment with my son. YOU are MY hero, and it looks like I may just hold onto my Mommy hero status for a while longer.