Saturday, January 31, 2009

January reflections

With only a few hours of January left, I thought I would write a little about my thoughts on the past month. I think I mostly feel that the month was less "balanced" than I would have liked. I started the new year all excited to do lots of enriching and fun projects with the boys at home, but now that the month is over, the truth is that we did not get many of those planned projects completed. I am so torn between home and work. I don't think many people realize how much time and energy goes into my job. I spend parts of every weekend at work, sometimes both weekend days. Obviously this takes time away from my family. While I love my job, the amount of time it takes outside of "work" hours is hard. I don't know the answer to this dilemma. Of course I wish that I could afford to stay at home and devote all my time and energy to my family and children. However, at this point in time that is not possible. February, I am going to try to focus hard on the many blessings I have and spend less time worrying about what I don't have. Because I am truly blessed in so many ways. I am going to sign off now. I am tired, not feeling well, and probably not in the most positive frame of mind to be writing this. Please know how much I enjoy writing this and my other blog and how much I appreciate you taking time to read it! Here's wishing us all a blessed February!!


Quadelle said...

It's discouraging when we don't reach our goals - especially ones concerning spending good time with our children. But from everything I've seen on your blogs, I can be fairly certain that you're a great mother to your kids, even if you don't get to do all the wonderful things you have planned.

I hope February has more of the balance you're after, and you find some ways to limit work's impact on your home with your home life.

Be gentle on yourself, though. You really are doing a great job!

Angela said...

I think it is pretty normal to wish for more balance. Even as a SAHM I see the areas I can improve with the never seems like enough. Your kiddos are so blessed to have you and whether you work or stay at home that does not change. Try not to be so hard on yourself!

Hope you feel better and that February goes easier on you!

Anna said...

I bet your sons don't feel that you haven't given them the time and love they need and that is the most important thing. I used to beat myself up about working and not being at home to make it all perfect for the rest of the family and then my daughter said, "mummy, you are so much nicer now you are working!" - so now I don't bother with the self-flagelation. But I do wish my house was tidier!!!

Alycia in Va. said...

I truly understand how you feel, as one teacher to another. Be happy with yourself though- your boys are lucky to have a mom who even cares enough to have this concern.

NJ Tracy Jean said...

WOW! I was so happy to read this post. I know my life is ridiculously unbalanced and I'm trying to change but IT IS SO HARD!!!! I look at the time I spend at school or at home working on things for school and I just can't believe what it takes and of course all at the expense of my family. Wrong wrong wrong yet I keep doing it. I have finally admitted to myself I am a perfectionistic workaholic. I always used to say I was just trying to do "my best" but I have finally come to realize i need to change. Whew! Pray for me sister and I'll do the same for you!